Last night was The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s (LLS) Light the Night Walk. It’s an incredible event on the National Mall, sandwiched between the Capital Building and the Washington Monument. For the last 8 years, my mom gets a tent, and we invite our friends and family to come out and honor my dad, along with others who are fighting, survived, or lost their battle to blood cancers.
😬 As I do most years, I spent the entire day stressing about the logistics of the night. The stress felt worse this year because, for the first time, I was mixing new recovery friends with family and old friends.
Who is going to show up? Will they have a good time? Who will everyone talk to? Will they mix? Will they be late? Will I be late? Will I be too early? Is it ok that I’m not serving alcohol this year? Should I serve alcohol this year?
My brain went on OVERDRIVE.
After talking it all out with a friend, it became clear that I was missing the whole point. The night was about my dad. And cancer. And LSS. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t still feel stressed. The feelings were there.
And she simply says — maybe that’s the point. It’s easier to stress about the small stuff than stress about missing your dad.
🤯 Right, of course. It was so simple, yet I was too close to it to see what was so simply happening.
I could feel the stress leaving my body… That was IT.
I knew what I had to do… sit down with the feelings that were underneath the stress. The sadness.
So I turned to good ol faithful Garth. I sat down, put on “Feel my Love” and just cried. It felt so so so so good.
Here’s the craziness part:
The anticipation of an emotion is 100x worse than the emotion itself. I was SO scared all day to feel sad, that I stressed myself into a frenzy. Sitting down and actually FEELING sad, was kind of beautiful in a way. I felt closer to my dad than I had in a long long time.
…. And what a wonderful night!! My friends and family all mixed and mingled and I felt relaxed the whole time! THANK YOU to all who came out!!
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