Last week, I wrote about prepping for an MRI while living with Type 1 Diabetes (T1D), and all the emotional and logistical gymnastics that go along with it. I thought I’d covered the hard part. But what I didn’t expect was how my body would react during the actual scan.
This wasn’t just another MRI. This was a breast MRI with contrast, which meant a different setup entirely, and one that triggered a nervous system survival response.
Facing the unexpected
I walked in feeling pretty confident. I’d done shoulder MRIs before and managed my nerves using grounding tools like visual focus. But this scan required lying face down in a completely dark tube. No wall to anchor me. No visual cues. Just darkness and a rising sense of panic.
The technician was gentle, kind, and patient, and explained that the procedure would occur in a series of three-minute segments, totaling twenty minutes. He placed my hair in a net, mentioning that the table would be raised close to the top of the tube, and described how the IV would be locked in place once I was inside.
As the table began to move, I felt it: the shift. My breathing quickened. My chest tightened. I told myself I was safe. I used all the tools I had: deep breathing, grounding phrases. But my heart was racing, and I could feel it pounding in my ears. I knew the signs. I was entering fight-or-flight.
And beneath it all, there was another layer of stress: darkness signaling my underlying fear I’ve lived with my whole life: fear of going blind from years of living with T1D.
The fight-or-flight response in action
The fight-or-flight response is our body’s internal alarm system. It’s triggered by perceived threats, not just real ones. And when your body thinks it’s in danger, it doesn’t consult your logical brain.
I wasn’t in danger. But the darkness, the sensory deprivation, the stress: all of it told my nervous system otherwise. I was doing everything “right,” but it didn’t matter. My body had already made the decision. So when the technician checked in after the first three minutes, I told him I couldn’t continue. He immediately stopped the test and wheeled me out.
Freeze mode: When your body shuts down
It wasn’t until I got home that I realized I’d gone from fight or flight into freeze, the third and often least understood response to perceived danger. In freeze mode, the body shuts down. It disconnects. It numbs out. It’s a biological survival strategy. And afterwards, it can leave you feeling confused, ashamed, or disconnected.
I spiraled. I thought, “I’m a life coach. I should know how to regulate my nervous system.” That thought only deepened my shame.
Moving through the aftermath: Regulating and reconnecting
Here’s what I did to regulate my nervous system:
- I took the rest of the day off
- I napped
- I did a gentle tapping exercise
- I let myself slow down
The next day, I felt better, but still off. So I kept offering myself compassion. I reminded myself that my body wasn’t failing me. It was protecting me.
Naming the shame
Although I still felt shame about the experience, I started talking. I told my coach. I told my friends. And the more I shared, the more I heard: “I hate MRIs.” “That happened to me!” “I’ve panicked too.” And with every empathetic response, the shame loosened its grip.
“Shame cannot survive being spoken. It cannot survive empathy.” — Brené Brown.
Conclusion
Living with T1D already requires so much emotional labor. When medical procedures stir up panic, the body’s response isn’t failure. It’s a message of protection or a call for care. If there is one thing you get from this email, it’s to listen to it. There’s no shame in that 💗
So… I’m celebrating my wins. I listened to my body and honored its signal to stop. I recognized the signs of survival mode and gave myself what I truly needed: rest, grace, regulation tools, and most importantly, connection, compassion, and empathy.
Call to Action
If you’ve felt hijacked by your body, if you’ve ever whispered “why can’t I just hold it together?”, you’re not alone. Let’s talk about what it means to listen to your nervous system and live with more ease.
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