On March 29th, I celebrated two years since I picked up a drink.
I’ve been reflecting on what those two years have meant to me because they have meant SO much more than just not drinking.
There’s no way I’d be where I am today if I hadn’t walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous and prioritized my happiness above all else.
Because that is exactly how it happened.
I’d spent a three-week bender partying in Dewey Beach, DE, waking up every morning filled with pure unadulterated shame. No matter what happened the night before, I woke up in a shame spiral, feeling this horrible sense of shame, loneliness, guilt, and overall emptiness.
After I couldn’t take it anymore, I decided to get my thoughts down on paper, to understand what was causing these horrible, terrible feelings.
After a bunch of mumbo jumbo, the thought “I’ll never be truly happy until I get rid of alcohol in my life for good” popped out. And I started bawling and crying.
I knew it was the truth. And I knew there was no taking it back.
So I took myself to an AA meeting and have never looked back.
In my last two years, that shame spiral has virtually vanished.
I’m not saying I don’t get sad or mad or frustrated or have funks. Of COURSE, I do. But I don’t have that deep level of shame or loneliness that came from drinking. And now I have the tools from life coaching, sobriety, and the 12 steps to help me manage my negative thinking.
I’ve learned to be present in my life in a way I never was before.
I’ve learned to go after what I want, instead of what I think I should be doing or what I think others want for me.
I’ve learned to connect with my feelings, instead of drinking them away.
I’ve learned to feel joy and happiness on a level I’ve pushed away for most of my life.
I’ve learned to let people help me and let them in.
I’ve created this life for myself instead of letting life happen to me. And I’m damn proud of myself for it.
So once again, thank you to everyone who has helped me get here, I certainly didn’t do it alone!
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