Growing up with Type 1 Diabetes (T1D), I often felt powerless.
I felt like I had no control over anything: my food intake, when I received insulin shots, what kids said to me, or if I was going to have complications.
So when I got older, I started to rebel with food. It gave me a sense of power like I was finally in the driver’s seat.
I still struggle with this today.
I’d like to share some amazing breakthroughs I’ve had in this area:
🤯 The reason I felt so powerless, wasn’t because I couldn’t control my shots. It’s because I had no control over my FEELINGS. I was scared, angry, and frustrated. And I had no way to control what feeling was coming next, how intense it would be, what it would be like, and when it would go away.
🤯 By overeating, I could control how I felt. If I overate, I knew it would make my blood sugars high, and make me feel bad. I developed a formula. Overeating = feeling bad. It didn’t feel great, but it was predictable and within my control.
What I didn’t know:
⛔ It wasn’t the food creating my feeling, it was my thoughts creating that feeling. My thoughts probably consisted of “I deserve to feel bad”, “this is going to make me feel horrible”, and “I hate diabetes”. So of COURSE I felt like crap (not to mention high blood sugars feel terrible!).
⛔ By doing this, I was blocking joy, happiness, or any of the GOOD feelings, for the safe, predictable, bad ones.
What I’m learning:
🙌🏻 If I learn to sit in the discomfort of not knowing what feeling comes next, I have a chance at joy, happiness, and all the GOOD feelings.
🙌🏻 A feeling is just a vibration in your body, the WORST thing that can happen is a feeling. Feeling your feelings really isn’t so bad, the anticipation is actually the harder part!
The more I let go and allow my feelings, the more power I actually have, as counter-intuitive as that sounds.
Need help understanding how your thoughts create your feelings? Allowing your feelings? Want someone to talk to? I can help!